Le prestigieux Riverbend Cycling Club (RCC) regroupe des gentleman d'Alma qui prennent plaisir à rouler ensemble, le vent de dos, en descendant les côtes. Ce blog a pour but de planifier et de commenter les sorties à vélo. Au-delà de l'anecdote, ces récits sont des leçons de courage et de vertu, mettant en scène des athlètes bedonnants et grisonnants qui embarrassent les routes sans aucune gêne...

mercredi 9 juillet 2008

Cul de babouin


Des Grives / Les écorces 110 kilo - 27.9 moyenne


par X-Large
Lundi, jour de congé de la Fête du Canada, n'ayant pu prendre part à la randonnée Hydro et collant trois jours sans rouler, je me dis que je dois y aller à tout prix... et tant qu'à faire, une petite randonnée dans les cotes du parc va peut-être me permettre de ne pas trop en perdre sur Ti-Red et cie... Le programme est simple : rouler molo jusqu'à l'entrée du parc et grimper comme je peux jusqu'aux Écorces mais seul et à mon rythme; la forme n'est pas extravagante et je me dois d'y aller molo.
Tout va bien jusqu'au poste d'essence près de l'entrée du parc où j'aperçois alors deux cyclistes à l'effigie du Club cyclone qui semblent se préparer à aborder les montagnes. Merde ! si c'est le cas, je vais devoir me forcer un brin, c'est sûr. Effectivement, alors que j'aborde la première montée, les deux cyclistes, de profil longiligne, sur des bécanes Cannondale, sont collés sur moi. Le premier me double sans mot dire, le second me salue et me demande ce qu'il y a sous ma selle. Je lui réponds : "C'est une veste de pluie appelée "cul de babouin" par mon ami Big Marc. Ah oui, répond-il, ça ressemble vraiment à un cul de babouin ou plutôt à une face de babouin et il poursuit en me souhaitant bonne montée.
Le souffle court, je leur demande où ils vont ? À la croisée de la 169-175 aller-retour, me répond le dernier.
Comme il y a un vent léger de face, je décide de m'accrocher.
Bizarrement, ils ralentissent tous deux au point où je dois passer devant juste avant la première longue montée... Or, la grosse cote s'en vient et je tire les deux hommes en me méfiant car ils semblent feindre un moment de faiblesse qui me laisse perplexe. Je poursuis donc prudemment devant eux et je leur coupe le vent jusqu'à la demi-montée.
Ce qui devait arriver arriva !
Les deux christ d'épais fourrent un coup et grimpent en simonac de malades, debouts sur les pédales. Je les perd littéralement sans même avoir le temps de réagir. Au passage, le deuxième me salue avec un tape sur la fesse et me dit : beau cul de babouin, mon ami ? Chu en tabarnac, ça c'est bien des cyclistes : baveux et pas fair play pour 5 cents. Il est vrai qu'en natation on ne peut se parler et c'est peut-être aussi bien...
Toujours est-il qu'une fois en haut, ils s'écrasent à nouveau et je réussis à les rejoindre sur le plat avant la deuxième montée. Cette fois, je reste derrière, pas con deux fois quand même. La deuxième montée est très à pic et je sais que je devrai me défoncer pour les suivre. La montée s'amorce donc et je perd dès le début une trentaine de pieds sur eux, mais je suis encore en ostie de leur coup de cochon. Je décide donc à mi-montée de grimper sur mes pédales et de donner le coup de la mort et le pire c'est que ça marche. Je les double dans le haut de la cote et leur dit au passage : regardez bien ce beau cul de babouin car vous ne le reverrez plus !
Je suis donc dans la troisième montée qui est un peu moins abrupte et je poursuis debout sur les pédales tel un véritable sprinter. Rendu en haut, je jette un coup d'œil à l'arrière. Les deux épais sont à peine à mi-cote et oscillent tout croches dans la montée. Je poursuis de l'autre côté, à fond la caisse. Je ne les reverrai pas du trajet, ni même au retour. Je pense qu'ils ont abandonné ou qu'ils se sont cachés à quelque part pour ne plus me voir.
Voilà, c'est l'histoire du cul de babouin. Que voulez-vous, lorsqu'il pleut, lorsque l'on roule trop souvent seul, l'imagination devient fertile et l'on se met à rêver et à inventer toutes sortes
d'histoires...

Merci de votre attention et au plaisir de rouler avec vous tous dans la réalité cette fois...

X-Large le rêveur.

COMMENTAIRES DE M. CLEAN

Après lecture du texte de X-Large, je lui conseilles de contacter notre ami Long Riffle afin qu'il lui réfère les professionnels de la santé qu'il a consulté afin de régler son problème de "mental" (et un petit séjour au même établissement). À moins que le récit ne soit lié à une surconsommation de substances hallucinogènes... auquel cas c'est une autre histoire.

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